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View Full Version : Hear Ye! Hear Ye!!! Cream Talk by Stallion - Week 5



Stallion4Tiiigaaahhhs
10-03-2010, 07:51 AM
<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><font face="Calibri">Good Sunday Sixpackers!</font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><font face="Calibri">The Stallion woke up this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The body ached.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The mind was churning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The thought crossed my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>How many multi-millionaires exist in this wonderful country of ours and have an IQ less than 80?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Well I can name three off of the top of my head –
</font><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri"><span style="mso-list: Ignore"><font face="Calibri">
1)</font><span style="FONT: 7pt 'Times New Roman'"> </span></span></span><font face="Calibri"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>Derrick Dooley (whom the Stallion actually respected and had the upmost confidence that he was a good hire prior to his cornhole puckering up as the clock counted down to zero)
</font><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri"><span style="mso-list: Ignore"><font face="Calibri">
2)</font><span style="FONT: 7pt 'Times New Roman'"> </span></span></span><font face="Calibri">Gary Crowton – He continues to amaze me with his complicated offensive schemes and lack of understanding to stick with what works.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Your complicated offensive play calling doesn’t work when one of your QB’s IQs is less than 80 also.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Since Jordan Jefferson doesn’t make a million (that the Stallion knows about), he won’t make this list.
</font><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri"><span style="mso-list: Ignore"><font face="Calibri">
3)</font><span style="FONT: 7pt 'Times New Roman'"> </span></span></span><font face="Calibri">Les Miles – Even our favorite “rapper” Antoine Dodson said “You are so dumb, you really dumb”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You may be the first coach in history to be on the hotseat after starting 5-0.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The Stallion agrees with you completely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Your talent level is incredible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>So since you have an incredible talent base, what is the reason why every game keeps the Stallion from nearly droppingF-bombs<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>in front of his offspring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The Stallion has just accepted that LSU has the stupidest coach in America.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But the Stallion will go do Russian Roullette with you anytime in Vegas.</font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><font face="Calibri">This list could go on and on – Sly Croom, Lane Kiffen, Paris Hilton…The Stallion should have been a college football coach.</font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><font face="Calibri">Things could be worse for those beloved Tiiigaaahhhs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>They could be the Kentucky Wildkittens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Good lawd!!! How bad are you guys?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The ‘Cats first get pummeled by a Florida Gator team that has their own issues offensively and then they go out and get outdueled by Jacksonville State’s beeotttch!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That’s enough to make the Joker quit after his first year on the job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Guess the joke’s on you Coach.</font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><font face="Calibri">Week 5’s intro will end on a quick blurb about the A-la-bam-a Crimson Tide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>They appear back on track and after watching this past weekend’s games, it is going to take a miracle for anyone to stop them on this schedule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The only hope is that Spurrier has a better game plan than, “we’re just gonna go out there and chuck the ball around and just see what happens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Bama is a good ball club and we just hope we can compete.”</font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt; LINE-HEIGHT: normal"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">And now for this week 5’s rankings:
</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">
1)</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 7pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">Alabama – The juggernaut is upon us
</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">
2)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>Arkansas – Who knew a bye week can only make you look that much better?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Good news is that A&M won’t be much tougher than a bye week.
</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">
3)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>LSU – Good news is that the defense will keep LSU’s miracles a possibility in every game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Bad news is that it usually takes a miracle to win every game.
</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">
4)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Auburn – No problem against that Louisiana team from the north.
</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">
5)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>South Carolina – Hard to believe that the East is actually this weak this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Could the real SEC championship be the Iron Bowl instead of S. Carolina vs. the West Champ?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The cream recipe needs some serious gamecock next weekend.

6</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Florida – Complete disarray in the Swamp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Did Bama do enough pounding to have an impact on the Gators before the Tiiigaaahhhs led by Jarrett Lee enter into Gainesville?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Hey Urban, you may want to think of another play on the goalline besides the jump pass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Everyone in America knew that was coming.
</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">
7)</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 7pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">Mississippi State – Being 5th in a division really isn’t that shameful this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You are at least 7th in the Talk.
</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">
8)</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 7pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">Tennessee – From glory to dust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I actually felt for Dooley after the game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As Dr. Lou said, “13 players on the field isn’t legal in America OR Canada!”
</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">
9)</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 7pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">Ole Miss – It’s starting to get a little weird in Oxford.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Could they be catching their stride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Offensively it appears so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Unfortunately you have to play that little thing called defense to be truly successful in this league.
</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">
10)</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 7pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">Vanderbilt – You beat UCONN, you climb into single digits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You lose, you nest in double digits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You made your pick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Double digits are your destiny.
</font></span><font face="Calibri"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">
1</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">1)</span></font><span style="FONT-SIZE: 7pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"> </span><font face="Calibri"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Georgia – Not only were you Mullened last week, but you are now starting to embarrass the SEC.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Colorado hasn’t won a meaningful game since Cordell Stewart completed the Hail Mary against Michigan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Yet they let UGA come to Boulder to be taken to the woodshed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Humiliating.

1</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">2)</span></font><span style="FONT-SIZE: 7pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><font face="Calibri">Kentucky – He’s a Joker, Not sure if he’s a smoker, but his team is definitely last in the Cream Rankings.

Hot Boudin – Alabama – The team looked like a machine at home against the Tebow-less Gators.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The cream is looking crimson more and more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>

Cold Couscous – LSU – Another first in Cream Talk history.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>An actual winning team received the cold couscous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The Stallion cannot recall when 5-0 feels so painful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This is how it went down in Miles’ mind<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>25 secs, 24, 23, “oh “17”, what do I do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>22, 21, 20, “Oh God – go in Shepard, Toliver, and Randle, yes that sounds good” …19, 18, 17, 16….”Will somebody get me a glass of water? I’m sweating!”….15, 14, 13, 12, “Jordan, you call the play, Crowton has got his thumb up his butt again and I can’t remember the plays”, ….11, 10, 9, 8…”Oh wait, Jordan doesn’t know the plays either”….7, 6, 5, 4, 3 “God, please give me a miracle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I don’t know how I am going to handle this with the press if we lose this way again.” …2, 1….”Whoa baby!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Thank you God!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Dooley is a bigger idiot than me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I do believe in miracles!!!”

Love,
Stallion</font></span></p>

</p>

DerHntr
10-03-2010, 08:02 AM
do you really think that Les's mind can handle that much thinking for 25 seconds straight? i don't.

Xenomorph
10-03-2010, 08:03 AM
Ok, so UK got blacktopped in the swamp and turned it over too much to stay in it late with OM... but UGA is a complete cluster17 right now. Absolutely fubar.

Stallion4Tiiigaaahhhs
10-03-2010, 08:05 AM
*

Stallion4Tiiigaaahhhs
10-03-2010, 08:07 AM
Does it really matter?

Xenomorph
10-03-2010, 08:10 AM
*

Stallion4Tiiigaaahhhs
10-03-2010, 08:17 AM
since you must know... here are my thoughts.

UGA and UK are both bad teams. UGA hasn't lost to a bad SEC team yet (i.e., 9-12). It may happen soon though. UK has looked horrible in both UF and Ole Miss (who by the way lost to J-ville State. I didn't put a lot of science into it. Colorado is at least 3-1 and not a complete slouch but still a good team will beat them every time. Not sure if UK would have faired any better at Colorado. That's just my thought for today. May have a different opinion come next week.

KurtRambis4
10-03-2010, 09:09 AM
*

FlabLoser
10-03-2010, 09:15 AM
They barely beat a bad UT team. Auburn, Alabama, Arkansas, and maybe Florida will hand LSU losses. And the law of averages says LSU can't win another close one.

Stallion4Tiiigaaahhhs
10-03-2010, 09:15 AM
Usually that's a great date.

Indndawg
10-03-2010, 09:16 AM
but the stuff on the Mad Hatter was restaurant quality

ColonelJohnSartoris
10-03-2010, 09:27 AM
Also, LSU = 9 point underdogs against Florida.

Stallion4Tiiigaaahhhs
10-03-2010, 09:37 AM
but LSU is OOOGLY

Stallion4Tiiigaaahhhs
10-03-2010, 09:38 AM
glad you appreciate great humor in free publication. You should tell Dawgstudent that he should pay me.

Stallion4Tiiigaaahhhs
10-03-2010, 09:40 AM
spread is. UF looks like they have no identity either

thatsbaseball
10-03-2010, 09:48 AM
last nite ? If I heard right 25-2 against the East and 11-8 against the West. Damn I`m glad we`re in the West.

patdog
10-03-2010, 12:24 PM
nm

Stallion4Tiiigaaahhhs
10-03-2010, 01:57 PM
S. Carolina, Kentucky and Vandy were shoe-in victories every time they played. Tennessee has been on a down hill spiral for years. UGA was the only competition. Now the East is awful when compared to the West. The top 4 in the West are brutal and State is just in the wrong division.</p>

mstatefanatic
10-03-2010, 02:36 PM
any of the 4. Maybe if they played Florida at home but they won't beat Arkansas or Auburn on the road. And nobody beats Alabama.

Sutterkane
10-03-2010, 06:07 PM
Colorado turned one of the nations elite programs into a second tier program (Nebraska).

Stallion4Tiiigaaahhhs
10-04-2010, 12:47 AM
..