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  1. #1

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    OT: SPS advice needed. This seemed like the place to go for help.

    The scenario: Married for 20 years, divorced for 5. Dropped kids off at her house at 5:15. I live 20 minutes away. Walk up to the door with kids, politely ask if I can use the bathroom ("I need to take a shit", to be precise). My ex tells me no and says that "there is a Jitney Junior around the corner". She seemingly is concerned that my shit aroma will interfere with her dinner date with the new boyfriend, scheduled toarrive at 6. I say "really" then hug and kiss kids get in truck to head home. After about 5 miles, I shit on the side of I55.

    I anticipate needing to shit again when dropping off kids. Any advice?
    Last edited by OldFatDog; 02-07-2013 at 10:28 PM.


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  2. #2
    SixPack's Official Farmer DesotoCountyDawg's Avatar
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    Sixpack Remembers

    .








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  3. #3
    In before the lock. I lost you after "this seemed like the place to go for help"


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  4. #4
    Cleveland Steamer missouridawg's Avatar
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    Adult diapers.


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  5. #5
    In. 17ing. Tents.

    ETA: Please don't lock this. It could get good.


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  6. #6
    Next time don't take no for an answer.


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  7. #7
    Administrator DawgatAuburn's Avatar
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    "I need to take a shit" is not politely asking if you can use the bathroom. Could be your problem.

    Also, next time just tell her you need to pee, then take a dump. Don't flush.


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  8. #8
    Do the peepee dance and say you have to pee and then shit anyway.


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  9. #9
    Shogun of Harlem Optimus Prime 4's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatDog View Post
    The scenario: Married for 20 years, divorced for 5. Dropped kids off at her house at 5:15. I live 20 minutes away. Walk up to the door with kids, politely ask if I can use the bathroom ("I need to take a shit", to be precise). My ex tells me no and says that "there is a Jitney Junior around the corner". She seemingly is concerned that my shit aroma will interfere with her dinner date with the new boyfriend, scheduled toarrive at 6. I say "really" then hug and kiss kids get in truck to head home. After about 5 miles, I shit on the side of I55.

    I anticipate needing to shit again when dropping off kids. Any advice?
    If you drive an RV you always have a toilet


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  10. #10
    Shit in one hand and wish in the other?

    Last edited by PBRME; 02-07-2013 at 10:40 PM.


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  11. #11
    Pics of the ex or this didn't happen.


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  12. #12
    Cleveland Steamer missouridawg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DawgatAuburn View Post
    "I need to take a shit" is not politely asking if you can use the bathroom. Could be your problem.

    Also, next time just tell her you need to pee, then take a dump. Don't flush.
    i think an upper decker is warranted if permission is granted next time.


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  13. #13
    Dr. Death DerHntr's Avatar
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    Fan17ingtastic

    Tell her you need to piss next time and hope for a speed shit. Bring flushable asswipes with you so that you don't need to spend time on the paperwork. Plus every day is a good day with ass wipes. Don't leave home without them.
    Last edited by DerHntr; 02-07-2013 at 10:41 PM.


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  14. #14

    His handle isn't Dan Mullen, OP4.

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimus Prime 4 View Post
    If you drive an RV you always have a toilet
    eddieku


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  15. #15


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  16. #16

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    DawgatAuburn, you make a good point. Though, we have always had very relaxed shitting at the ex's home policies. The casual approach has been our practice.


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  17. #17
    Fill the kids bellies with lots of taco bell 30 minutes before arrival next time. They all will have to shit soon after you drop them off. Make it a fun contest to see who can eat the most tacos for $20.


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  18. #18

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    I don't know squat about posting pictures so let's go with this. Picture a young Heather Locklear. Imagine her gettin a little old but still hot enough to make millions of dollars. Picture her mansion. Picture the second best looking maid working inside the mansion. And I think you have it.


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  19. #19
    Holy shit. I'm losing it. I haven't laughed this hard in a long, long time.


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  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatDog View Post
    I don't know squat about posting pictures so let's go with this. Picture a young Heather Locklear. Imagine her gettin a little old but still hot enough to make millions of dollars. Picture her mansion. Picture the second best looking maid working inside the mansion. And I think you have it.
    This is 17ing great.


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  21. #21
    SignalToNoise's Avatar
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    Post of the decade. Haven't laughed this hard in a while.


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  22. #22

    This guy needs to post more.

    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatDog View Post
    I don't know squat about posting pictures so let's go with this. Picture a young Heather Locklear. Imagine her gettin a little old but still hot enough to make millions of dollars. Picture her mansion. Picture the second best looking maid working inside the mansion. And I think you have it.
    10/10, sir.


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  23. #23
    Darth Photoshop BigMotherTucker's Avatar
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    Next time you head her way...
    A) give me a call, I'll ride with you
    B) give me enough notice so I can knock out a bowl of lucky charms and a cup of yogurt
    C) ill happily drop a bucket of chum in her pot for you
    D) rinse and repeat when needed

    I'm here for you bud


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  24. #24
    Shit on her driveway.


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  25. #25
    The board could have used this post about a week ago.

    Slow clap, sir.


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  26. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by DawgatAuburn View Post
    "I need to take a shit" is not politely asking if you can use the bathroom. Could be your problem.

    Also, next time just tell her you need to pee, then take a dump. Don't flush.

    Top shelf answer!


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  27. #27

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    and I thought i was the only one

    Quote Originally Posted by DerHntr View Post
    Fan17ingtastic

    Tell her you need to piss next time and hope for a speed shit. Bring flushable asswipes with you so that you don't need to spend time on the paperwork. Plus every day is a good day with ass wipes. Don't leave home without them.

    I have them in my truck, in my desk at work, in every bathroom in the house. These things have changed my life for the better.


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  28. #28
    Don't do it. You remember what happened to the guy who was poo-poo'n in Jurassic Park? I imagine it would go something like that if you were caught makin a dookie stink.


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  29. #29
    Second nomination for SPS remembers.


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  30. #30
    The General HD6's Avatar
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    So when you say drop off the kids, you had a double meaning?
    "At South Panola we still honor what the word commitment means"-Lance Pogue



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  31. #31
    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Ruckus View Post
    Don't do it. You remember what happened to the guy who was poo-poo'n in Jurassic Park? I imagine it would go something like that if you were caught makin a dookie stink.
    "He called the shit 'poop'" - Billy Madison


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  32. #32
    Please update the next exchange


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  33. #33

    Old Man Clements hates shit!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by CadaverDawg View Post
    "He called the shit 'poop'" - Billy Madison
    Nm


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  34. #34
    SixPack's Official Mortgage Lender
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    Next time take a brown paper sack with you. Stop down the street from her house and shit in the bag before you get there. When you go to the door, hand her the bag with the top folded down and hand it to her saying, "This is the rest of my shit you were to get in the divorce." Turn and walk away.


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  35. #35
    Shit in her shrubs.


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  36. #36


    This is gold. Best post I think I have ever read on here. Dying laughing right now. Well done sir!


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  37. #37
    Goddamn, dude. Your shit stinks for 45 minutes?


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  38. #38
    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatDog View Post
    I don't know squat about posting pictures so let's go with this. Picture a young Heather Locklear. Imagine her gettin a little old but still hot enough to make millions of dollars. Picture her mansion. Picture the second best looking maid working inside the mansion. And I think you have it.
    The pool boy
    - signed OP4


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  39. #39
    The Godfather dawgstudent's Avatar
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    I would actually light it on fire.

    "Don't put it out with your boots Ted"


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  40. #40
    Dawgbite's Avatar
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    Laughing so hard

    I had to stop reading half way through and go take a shit. Gotta love an iPad!
    Last edited by Dawgbite; 02-08-2013 at 07:12 AM.


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