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  1. #1

    The courtesy flush

    Why is it so hard to teach people this concept?Itís as if human beings insist on smelling their own crap as long as possible, and they want everyone else to join the party.


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  2. #2
    There's a couple posters here that could learn from this.


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  3. #3
    SixPack's Official Farmer DesotoCountyDawg's Avatar
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    Hell Iíd take just flushing the toilet when youíre done. I donít know how many times Iíve gone into a public restroom to find the toilet not flushed.








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  4. #4
    Even worse are the ones with just a turd and no tp.


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  5. #5
    I called that Smith Hall '91.


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  6. #6
    i truly don't get the turd with no TP. is a bragging thing, look how big my crap is? or is it a just dont know any better. welp, i just crapped, let me get up outta here. crusty ass and all.


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  7. #7
    Important life-saving terminology here. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure


    ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.


    JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gunís pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.


    COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.


    WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the shitter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.


    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.


    SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.


    TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that youíre in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.


    CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS.


    WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.


    HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH.


    UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.


    FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.


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  8. #8
    I had a safe haven at my old office. In our immediate office we had 2 bathrooms about the size of a closet. It was 10-20 feet away from everyone in the office, and next to our break room. Everyone sitting at their desk faced that doors.

    On the other side of the building was a plus size bathroom. 10-12 urinals on the wall. 5 large stalls. I swear, besides me, the Only people that came in there was the cleaning crew to clean it. It was always spotless.


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  9. #9
    I <3 the St Louis Cardinals Mobile Bay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PBRME View Post
    I had a safe haven at my old office. In our immediate office we had 2 bathrooms about the size of a closet. It was 10-20 feet away from everyone in the office, and next to our break room. Everyone sitting at their desk faced that doors.

    On the other side of the building was a plus size bathroom. 10-12 urinals on the wall. 5 large stalls. I swear, besides me, the Only people that came in there was the cleaning crew to clean it. It was always spotless.
    I had one on campus. Behind the reference stacks in the library. No stalls, just one toilet and a locking door. Nobody knew it was there.


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  10. #10
    Ought to add: UPPER DECKER... A strategically used weapon in an especially acrimonious work environment where you perform a stealth mission by dropping bombs in the toilet tank rather than the bowl. Replace the tank cover and make a very quiet exit.


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  11. #11
    the peeper's Avatar
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    My office is next to the men's room. I have been in it for 5 years now and can tell by footstep sounds coming down the hall who's going in, I then can hear if they close the stall door and lock it or stop at the urinal. I can hear the flush of both and know who does courtesy flushes, who doesn't flush at all and who has to do double flushes. Thank God I can't hear the Watermelons or Havana Omelets. I know way more about peoples rest room habits than I want to.
    The poster formerly known as: dawgebag


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  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by bulldogcountry1 View Post
    Why is it so hard to teach people this concept?Itís as if human beings insist on smelling their own crap as long as possible, and they want everyone else to join the party.
    First, my shit doesn't stink.
    Second, I'm not giving you a courtesy flush. I'm going to flush it on my way out only after I'm ready to make a mad dash to escape the toilet plume. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4666014/


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  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Drebin View Post
    Important life-saving terminology here. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure


    ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.


    JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gunís pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.


    COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.


    WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the shitter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.


    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.


    SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.


    TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that youíre in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.


    CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS.


    WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.


    HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH.


    UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.


    FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

    Thanks, I so needed this. I laughed so hard I almost farted.


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  14. #14

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    I feel like you can tell the quality of a school based on the bathrooms.


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  15. #15
    Who on SPS is mostly likely an Uncle Ted?


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  16. #16
    Engie


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  17. #17
    My vote is glfr. He seems like a fart sniffer.


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  18. #18
    oxfordrebel22.


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  19. #19
    BoDawg's Avatar
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    Taco Bell has rendered the courtesy flush obsolete.


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  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by bulldogcountry1 View Post
    Why is it so hard to teach people this concept?It’s as if human beings insist on smelling their own crap as long as possible, and they want everyone else to join the party.

    Just get the Rona and you can't smell shit in the first place courtesy flush or not.


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  21. #21
    Disagree with this. There are some things you are supposed to be proud of, and having an excellent smelling shit is one. There are some things that you just have to share with everyone.


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  22. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by Xenomorph View Post
    Ought to add: UPPER DECKER... A strategically used weapon in an especially acrimonious work environment where you perform a stealth mission by dropping bombs in the toilet tank rather than the bowl. Replace the tank cover and make a very quiet exit.
    So, you're the one, eh.....


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  23. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Ruckus View Post
    Disagree with this. There are some things you are supposed to be proud of, and having an excellent smelling shit is one. There are some things that you just have to share with everyone.


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  24. #24
    If any of you decide to kick the shit out of me, get a hotel room because it's more than a one day job.


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  25. #25
    I believe it was fall semester 2002. Came home one afternoon, no one at the apartment, I go take a piss and the toilet lid is up. My roommate had left a turd in the toilet.

    At first I'm thinking - god, why didn't he flush? Then I realize there's no TP.

    Never looked at him the same after that.


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  26. #26
    Name:  giphy.gif
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  27. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by GloryDawg View Post
    If any of you decide to kick the shit out of me, get a hotel room because it's more than a one day job.

    Just how much shit you carrying around, player?!?


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  28. #28

    We have an out of the closet pooper at my work...

    whose poop smells like roadkill sitting out in the sun for about three days in the summer, and he doesn't courtesy flush. He's definitely proud of it. It's like hitting a wall when you walk in the restroom, and it will make you want to vomit. It's so bad that everybody in the office makes jokes about it.


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  29. #29
    Quote Originally Posted by dorndawg View Post
    Just how much shit you carrying around, player?!?
    I'm full of it.


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  30. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by GloryDawg View Post
    I'm full of it.
    And so are your kids when on road trips. Weíre well aware.


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  31. #31
    One of the first emails i remember getting. A classic.


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  32. #32
    Iíve worked in a building with about 100 other men for 19 years, most of whom are well educated people. In all that time Iíve learned a lot about many of them you would never expect. Some never wash their hands. Some like to talk on their phones in the stall. Most donít courtesy flush. In fact, most donít even flush until they are headed out the door. Yeah, they stand getting their shirt tucked in perfect while their turd buddy just stares back at them.


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  33. #33
    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Ruckus View Post
    And so are your kids when on road trips. We’re well aware.
    I have to stop now. My son is a big strong kid. 16 years old and benches 285.


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  34. #34
    Quote Originally Posted by Car Ramrod View Post
    Just get the Rona and you can't smell shit in the first place courtesy flush or not.
    This. I havenít smelled shits or farts for 3 months. I swear itís the only thing I canít smell. All other smells have returned. Iím fine with it. Itís basically a superpower at this point.


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  35. #35
    Quote Originally Posted by Dawgology View Post
    This. I haven’t smelled shits or farts for 3 months. I swear it’s the only thing I can’t smell. All other smells have returned. I’m fine with it. It’s basically a superpower at this point.

    I'm in the same boat but I'm going on 10 months now.


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  36. #36
    IBleedMaroonDawg's Avatar
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    I am always surprised and amazed at the amount of good information you can glean from this website.


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  37. #37
    IBleedMaroonDawg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GloryDawg View Post
    If any of you decide to kick the shit out of me, get a hotel room because it's more than a one day job.
    Name:  laugh 3b.gif
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  38. #38
    The Godfather dawgstudent's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dawgology View Post
    This. I havenít smelled shits or farts for 3 months. I swear itís the only thing I canít smell. All other smells have returned. Iím fine with it. Itís basically a superpower at this point.
    I will pray for you and your smelling powers to return.
    I support the two most frustrating teams in America: The New Orleans Saints and The Mississippi State Bulldogs


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  39. #39

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    The courtesy flush is sort of like wearing a covid mask. I do it, and agree that it should help, but not sure if it really makes any difference.


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  40. #40
    JML105's Avatar
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    What about splash back from the high powered industrial commodes?


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