Two Daves Pick The SEC

November 21, 2009



Welcome two Two Daves Pick The SEC! It seems like yesterday that everyone had high hopes and great expectations for their football teams. Today, we stand here with two regular season game weekends left.



Too bad that conference and national awards only go to players and coaches on winning teams, a few deserving souls are being left behind. Take Anthony Dixon at Mississippi State for example. He's in the national top 10 statistically, owns virtually every rushing record at Mississippi State, yet he's not even in the top 10 for the Doak Walker award? Come on people, he's second in the SEC only to some guy named Mark Ingram, a sophomore Heisman candidate. After the Charles Woodson Heisman win over Peyton Manning, it became clear to me that these awards are all politics and have little to do with the best player, and that is a travesty.



Doug says:



Wow, the season is almost over. Where did the time go?



Last week, we saw Alabama dispatch Mississippi State in workmanlike fashion. They got the benefit of another questionable call in that game, but they didn't need it. Meanwhile, Ole Miss was able to put their controversies aside for a few hours and put a buttkicking on Tennessee. LSU got a scare against Louisiana Tech (as Dave says, RESPECH TECH!), and Georgia got a big win over Auburn. None of this matters in the big picture, though, as Alabama and Florida are still on their collision course for the SEC championship. The only compelling race at this point is the jockeying for Music City/Liberty/Independence bowl berths.



Hey, we've got a guest Dave this week! It's old friend of the program, Del B. Vista.



Del says:



It's still pretty warm down here at Phase III, where the men wear white belts and the women are scared (of osteoporosis). We're looking forward next week to a nice turkey dinner, a spiffy two-for-one Early Bird deal. We'll be napping by 4:15 Thanksgiving Day. It's a pretty middling week around the Southeastern Conference, where the biggest news may be a movie release, and not one featuring Tim Tebow's not-girlfriend. The best game figures to match teams that have lost a total of five games, but whose fans feel like have lost sure national championships. The league's two best teams pay off chumps to fill up their stadiums, the Volunteer State's two SEC teams pay off folks to imagine this is a big rivalry game and the conference's two Bulldogs play Hogs and Cats and dream of better seasons ahead.



Chattanooga at Alabama



Dave says:



The Tide rolled right through Starkville last weekend. Carl Torbush's defense had more holes in it than the Jon Benet Ramsey case. Yes, it was that bad. The good news for Bama fans is that Greg McElroy seemed to get back on track, having a solid performance in Starkville. So a scrimmage this weekend, bitter rival next weekend, then the SEC title game.



Alabama 42

Chatta-scrimmage 13



Doug says:



Alabama gets a much needed break this week, where they don't have to rely on underhanded tactics and crooked officials to win a football game. Mind you, they'll probably take advantage of that stuff anyway, but they won't need it. They'll have plenty of opportunity to rest starters, and the coaching staff is probably looking forward and preparing for the Iron Bowl, anyway.



Crimson Legends 41

Roadkill 10



Del says:



The Crimson Tide have running back Mark Ingram, who might win Bama's first

Heisman. They also have wide receiver Julio Jones, who without a doubt is the best player on that team. The Chattanooga All-Century Team has a defensive back named Mike Hunt (really, I'm not kidding), but the Mocs' best player ever is undoubtedly a wideout. Terrell Eldorado Owens isn't walking through that door, Mocs.



We're Here For the Payday 7

We're Here For the Party 50





Mississippi State at Arkansas



Dave says:



Here we have an interesting matchup - the unstoppable passer, Ryan Mallet, versus the unstoppable runner, Anthony Dixon. Of these two, the guy that sets the tone will be the winner. If it's a physical running game, State wins. If it turns into a passing game, Arkansas walks away with a win. Mississippi State has improved a lot this year on offense, but they have taken a step back in defense, and that is on Carl Torbush. If Dan Mullen keeps this assclown around, then it's on him next season.



We can pass 37

We cannot 24





Doug says:



For most of this season, Mississippi State has shown remarkable improvement. Dan Mullen has taken a midget quarterback, a bunch of true freshmen, and a bad offensive line, and somehow produced a solid offense. The defense hasn't come around, though, and Mullen could do himself a huge favor by kicking Carl Torbush to the curb. Anyone with a doubt as to whether Torbush belongs should watch this game. All doubt will be removed. This is a terrible, terrible matchup for Mississippi State. Their only hope is that they can control the ball by pounding Anthony Dixon five yards at a time and keep the Razorback offense off the field, because when they're on the field, they're scoring, and there's nothing Torbush and his crew can do about it.



Bacon 38

Hot Dogs 20



Del says:



Many years before moving to Phase III, I spent five years getting a degree in Starkvegas. As a long, long, longtime Bulldog fan, it feels better watching this year's team than last years, but heading to Fayetteville with a leaky defense is frightening. Ryan Mallett has thrown for almost 1,000 yards in his last three games, with eight touchdowns. Tyson Lee has seen over the line of scrimmage eight seconds his entire life, and State's defense has been sieve-like at times. State has to win its last two to get bowl eligible.



Better Luck Next Year 20

Good Luck Keeping Petrino 41





Florida International at Florida



Dave says:



Florida, much like Alabama, has a scrimmage, a hated rival and then the SEC Title game coming up. Tebow probably sets more records this weekend. Yeah, I'd call this the BITCHSLAP OF THE WEEK! Florida International will be mauled. Don't let young children watch, they do not need to see this.



Florida 56

FIU 10



Doug says:



Much like Alabama, Florida gets a break this weekend. Rumors are swirling about Urban Meyer becoming the next coach at Notre Dame. My question is why in the world he would even entertain the notion. Notre Dame football isn't what it once was. Meyer already has the best job in America. He can recruit effortlessly, he gets paid by the truckload, and he's won two national titles. The counter-argument is that he's got nothing else to accomplish at Florida, but I know if I were him, I wouldn't be going anywhere. If he did leave, would Florida bring Spurrier back? Now, THAT would be fun. Oh yeah, back to the gameā€¦



Gators 65

Gator Bait 0



Del says:



FIU's special teams coach is Apollo Wright. Unless he can play Master of Disaster on the Gators kickoff coverage team, diagramming touchdown returns following each Florida score, the Golden Panthers have no chance. FIU opened the season with a 40-14 beatdown at the hands of Alabama. Can the Golden Panthers stand up to the Gators any better? This game could provide some valuable insight into the SEC Championship game. You know, the transitive property? Any math geniuses out there?



International Lovers 14

International Haters 39





LSU at Mississippi



Dave says:



LSU travels to Oxford this weekend to face Ole Miss in somewhat of a rivalry game. The Tigers struggled at home at night against Louisiana Tech, and it was not pretty. Ole Miss looked ok against Tennessee, but Dexter McCluster looked like a rocket, chewing through Tennessee's defense. I thought Monte Kiffin's boys could contain McCluster, but they did not. It's Senior day, Ole Miss is playing well right now and LSU is not.



Ole Miss 24

LSU 21



Doug says:



Ole Miss took Tennessee behind the woodshed last weekend, and I guess they finally played up to their potential in a big game. Can they do it two weeks in a row? Look, LSU is definitely beatable (heck, Mississippi State should've beaten them, and they didn't exactly look like a powerhouse last week, either), but I'm not sure if Ole Miss can sustain the level of play they showed last week. I do know this: if Dexter McCluster can run wild on Tennessee, he surely can run wild on LSU. Yes, I'm stalling, because I don't know who to pick here. I'll flip a coin. Heads, Ole Miss; tails, LSU. First flip: tails. Second flip: tails. Third flip: tails. Okay, somebody is trying to tell me something.



Coonasses 28

Confederates 27



Del says:



Louisianians tend to think their teams are either the best in the world or the worst, never in between. They tend to think of their team this year as Tiggers rather than Tigers. Disappointing Ole Miss will certainly be distracted this weekend by the release of "The Blind Side," a touching story of how an Ole Miss alum adopted a behemoth and turned him into a great offensive lineman. Let me know when the Tuohys adopt a 5-foot-6, 127-pound math genius. I'm ready to write the book: "The Axis of Symmetry: Quadratic equations and recruiting in the SEC."



We've Lost Two Games and It's a Disaster 23

We've Lost Three Games and It's a Disaster 26





Vanderbilt at Tennessee



Dave says:



Vanderbilt versus Tennessee. Wow, exciting.



Tennessee 17

Vanderbilt 13



Doug says:



Two weeks ago, this one would've been a laugher. But the Vols then went to Oxford and got involved in a laugher of their own. I don't think Vandy can win this game, but after the stinker the Vols put down last week, along with the off-the-field shenanigans (another player fighting the long arm of the law this week), their mental state may not be where it needs to be. I do know that Lane Kiffin needs to get control of his program, and fast. Even Phil Fulmer is shocked by the behavior.



Orange Jumpsuits 17

Easy Like Sunday Morning 14



Del says:



I like Bobby Johnson. I like Bobby Johnson a lot. I hope he can survive a down year, because coaching the Commodores can't be easy. I don't like Lane Kiffin. I don't like Lane Kiffin much at all. I hope he bobs around mediocrity for a few years before running aground in the Tennessee River. And I'm not even going to talk about enriching oneself through parking lot entrepreneurism.



Glorified Version of a C-USA School 14

Glorified Version of a Pellet Gun 32





Kentucky at Georgia



Dave says:



Both teams are bowl eligible, and there's really not much more to play for

here, except maybe improving from the weed eater bowl to the liberty bowl. If

Kentucky wins this game, I expect Mark Richt's seat to get red hot.



Georgia 24

Kentucky 21



Doug says:



Georgia's mascot, UGA VII, passed away suddenly this week. Whether you like the Dawgs or not, you've got to respect their UGA tradition. Kentucky doesn't care. They hope to come in and kick the Dawgs while they're down. Unfortunately for the Mildcats, they get Joe Cox in a night game. At night, he looks like an All-American. Kentucky will keep it competitive, but I think Georgia will end up winning one for UGA.



Hairy Dawgs 31

Mildcats 24



Del says:



Yawn. This game shows there's not much to the SEC this year after the FloraBama juggernauts. It reminds me of this one time at Phase III when they brought in this ringer to run for condo board president. After he walked barefoot through the clubhouse, he tried to buy his way to the presidency. His tip calculators were "Willards" not "Wizards." There aren't any wizards in this game, either.



Willard the Mildcat 13.66666

Willard the Bullfrog 20.66666



Last week:



Dave (5-2)

Doug (6-1)



Overall:



Dave (71-13)

Doug (69-15)

Guest Daves (13-3)