Two Daves Pick the SEC

October 16, 2010

Welcome to Two Daves Pick the SEC! Dear Greg McElroy, you wonder why most sports fans respect Tim Tebow? When Florida lost,Tebow didn’t blame others, he didn’t point at others. After being upset by Ole Miss, Tebow went before the press and laid out the infamous Tebow Pledge. Then he proceeded to back it up. So while you are wondering if you get accepted for a Rhodes Scholarship, you may want to consider leading your team by example instead of publicly bashing them.

This just in, Ole Miss selects the black bears for their mascot. Hey, they've got "black" in their mascot now, sothey are cleansed of their history of racism, right?

Doug sez:

Down Goes Frazier! That is the first thing that came to mind when Carolina-Alabama went final. It took him long enough, but Spurrier is back, and the conference is better for it. One of my Ole Miss buddies tells me that SC showed the blueprint for beating Bama and that the Rebs, um, Black Bears have a shot this weekend. They’ve got a shot, all right…in their rear ends.

And now a shout out to my homie Mr. Rice, who lives in Atlanta and is now hating life. You see, now that Georgia has smacked Tennessee and righted the ship, he has to endure the daily, “We’re Back!” proclamations from the barking fanbase. Don’t worry, my man….that’ll all be over by the cocktail party.

Speaking of the cocktail party, Florida sure is scuffling right now, and they are the latest victim of bat-crazy Lester Miles and his traveling carnival show. The Gators get a break this week with Mississippi State, or do they?

Mississippi at Alabama


Sure, theBad News Bears had two weeks to prepare for this game. The absolute last thing I would want to do is head to Tuscaloosa and face a talented Saban team coming off a loss. Everyone already knows Tyrone Nix’s defense wears out in the second half, and they aren’t really that good in the first half. Bama will feed Ingram and Richardson the ball and relentlessly pound on Ole Miss’ version of a Rhodes Scholar, Jerrell Powe.

Alerbammey 34 – Mississippi 17


With apologies to Magee, this is the bitchslap of the week. And that’s taking LSU-McNeese into consideration. Alabama is going to do evil things to Ole Miss. I envision Masoli running for his life, which is probably the best chance the Rebs are going to have to get any offense going. Meanwhile, the Tide offense is going to gash a depleted and overmatched Ole Miss defense. If Alabama had won last week, I’d have expected a slow, methodical domination here, but after the loss, this is going to be more of a statement game.

Red Elephants 41 – Black Bears 14

Mississippi State at Florida


A meager month ago, who would have thought this game would have the implications that it does. Florida enters the second half of the season on a two game losing streak, while Mississippi State enters sporting a three game winning streak. A Florida loss all but kills any chance for the Gators to make it to Atlanta in December. Then there is the whole Dan Mullen factor.

Mullen will want to show up his old boss on his old field. The question is can he do it? State did just grind out 409 yards rushing all over Houston. Granted, Houston is no Florida, but Mullen has done what Steve Addazio cannot do: adjust his offense to fit the personnel on hand.

So what happens Saturday night in the Swamp? That’s a great question. I think it is a close game, with the team that makes the fewest mistakes pulling out a hard-fought win. Flip a coin on this one.

Mississippi State 24 – Florida 23


Once upon a time, Urban Meyer had a brain, and paired with his brain, he won a lot of football games. Unfortunately for him, his brain vacated him and went to Starkville to coach Mississippi State. There’s a lot of “State has a chance in this one” comments floating around for this game. You know, there were a lot of “State has a chance against LSU” comments floating around, too. While the talent gap has closed significantly, and Florida is downright putrid offensively, I still don’t see that the Dawgs are ready to go into the swamp and pull out a win. Not saying they can’t do it, but I just don’t see it at this time.

Reeling Gators 24 – Surging Dawgs 21

Arkansas at Auburn


Both of these teams struggled last week. Arkansas held on for dear life and beat Texas A&M, while Auburn needed the heroics (again) of Cam Newton to get in position for a game winning field goal at Kentucky. Maybe both teams were looking to this game? The problem with that thought is that Arkansas has a knack for blowing a game in the second half, just ask Alabama. Auburn fans, don’t be so cocky, your defense got owned by Kensucky.

This game comes down to Ryan Mallett versus Cam Newton. Newton has the advantage in this matchup because of his freakish running threat. That is why Auburn wins this game. OK, Arkansas doesn’t play defense either.

Auburn 31 – Arkansas 27


Game of the week. Here are two highly-ranked teams. Here are two dynamic offenses and two suspect defenses. Here are two Heisman-caliber quarterbacks. Here are two teams still in the thick of the SEC race. Auburn comes off a lackluster effort, but they could’ve been looking ahead. Arkansas, similarly, comes off a lackluster effort. I’m not going to flip a coin here because I’m fairly convinced that Auburn should win this one. I just think their defense will fare better than the Hogs D. Will the legend of Cam Newton continue to grow?

War Tigers 27 – Soooie 22

Vanderbilt at Georgia


With 11 players arrested this year, Jawga has now had either the entire offense or defense arrested. Tennessee wishes that it had been the offense arrested since the Dawg offense came to life last weekend with the return of AJ Green. Georgia finally started looking like Georgia is supposed to look like. I should reserve that statement, Tennessee is terrible. Really bad. Hideous.

Vanderbilt bitchslapped the EMU’s last weekend. That should bring ramifications from PETA. Those poor, helpless little EMU’s. Robbie Caldwell, you are a sick man! Don’t be shocked if this one goes for the black and gold.

Jawga 24 – Vandy 23.9899843958


The Hairy Dawgs are back!!! They whipped the mighty, mighty Vols last week, and suddenly, all thoughts of embarrassing losses to Colorado and Mississippi State have faded away. Now, they have a new UGA roaming the sidelines. The sky is the limit for the Dawgs, and they get to pad their record against the bumbling Commodores. Vandy is coming off a win over Eastern Michigan, and for Vandy, any win is significant.

Hairy Dawgs 31 – Easy 17

South Carolina at Kentucky


Here is where we find out if South Carolina is a contender or a pretender. Sure, the AKC cockslapped Bama up and down the field, but can they go to Lexington and play with that same level of effort and intensity? Even Vizor Boy himself acknowledged that how they play against Kentucky and Vanderbilt is what matters. Kentucky went 3.9 quarters with Auburn and Randall Cobb is a dynamic playmaker. Again, this one comes down to defensive genius Ellis Johnson. Sure, I say his name a lot. If there’s a better defensive coordinator in the SEC, I’d love to know who he is. How good is Johnson? Sylvester Croom won eight games in 2007 with Johnson as his defensive coordinator. That is why…..

Chikinz 31 – We still got Ashley Judd 21


Historically, teams seem to have a letdown after huge, emotional wins. I don’t think that will apply in this case. Why? Because the AKC are coached by a rejuvenated Steve Spurrier, and they are playing Sucky Kentucky, who expended a lot of emotion of their own in a near-upset of Auburn last week. Look for the countdown to Midnight Madness to pick up steam in Lexington as the Cocks roll on.

AKC 31 – Mildcats 20

McNeese State at LSU


I’d really like to make this the bitchslap of the week. Really. There are two things keeping me from that. First, we have LSU coming off a huge emotional win over Florida at the swamp. That plus the fact that LSU doesn’t have a quarterback worth a flip keeps me making that proclamation. LSU still wins easy. Les Miles was feeling so fresh last Saturday, he probably called up Katy Perry and asked her if she’d like to tickle his Elmo.

Zing 34 – Zang 13


Lester the Mad Hatter can finally breathe easy this week, knowing he won’t have to call his “FG-Fake, One-Bounce-Blind-Backward-Pass-That-Looks-Like-A-Forward-Pass-To-The-Kicker” play. The conventional stuff should work a little better this week. I’ve never seen a fanbase so uneasy about a 6-0 team, but there comes a point when all the craziness starts to convince folks that LSU is for real and is likely to pull a win from their rear ends in the unlikeliest of ways every week. They’ve still got Alabama and Auburn on the schedule, and they still have significant QB issues, but this team is starting to smell a lot like the first LSU team that Miles coached. That smell is Musk de Miles. If the Tigers win the National Championship this year, Coonasses will be selling that stuff by the ounce.

Big Coonasses 38 – Little Coonasses 14