Two Daves Pick The SEC

October 23, 2010

Welcome to Two Daves Pick The SEC! Having suffered losses at home to the Mississippi African Descendant Bears in 2008 and and the Mississippi State Bulldogs last weekend, the University of Florida decided to take on another Mississippi team. This time, it was the Vicksburg, Mississippi high school, known as the Vicksburg Gators. One of the Vicksburg Gators many logos looks similar to one of the Florida logos. High schools often imitate college teams, it happens frequently across the country and most colleges do not claim copyright infringement. Collegiate athletics, particularly in the SEC, have become cash cows, and they are being run like evil Wall Street corporations instead of public institutions. If schools, such as Florida, want to start down that road, then they need to join the rest of the Wall Street companies in paying egregious amounts of income taxes. So Gordon Gekko got out of jail and now works at FU, um, I mean UF. Here’s the story:

I’ve been pimping LSU’s studly CB Patrick Peterson for the Heisman. Peterson is a fantastic player and a game changer. Cam Newton is on Peterson’s heels in my books, and this weekend will weed out one of these two for the Heisman. Newton has put up some amazing numbers and made some amazing plays. If I had to pick today, I might pick Newton over Peterson.

Doug says:

Auburn-Arkansas set SEC football back 100 years last week. Some folks probably enjoy watching a 63-48 barnburner, but I doubt any of them are SEC fans. Once upon a time, we played defense in this league, son. In the end, this will be Auburn’s undoing. I mean, lighting up the scoreboard is fun, but defense wins championships. This is why I think the Iron Bowl will go the way of the Tide this year.

There’s one team that plays defense, for sure, and that’s Mississippi State. They kept Auburn and Georgia in check, and they punched Florida in the mouth last week. That was a classic, black-and-blue, ground-and-pound, SEC classic. Okay, maybe not a *classic*, but you get the point. We now live in a world where Mississippi State will likely become bowl eligible before Florida, Georgia, and Tennessee. The end is coming soon, apparently.

Mississippi at Arkansas


Sodomy is allegedly illegal in Arkansas. Don’t tell that to the Razorbacks, who are about to mercilessly pound the Mississippi African Descendant Bears. Ryan Mallet saw the final nail in his Heisman coffin get hammered in by his backup last week at Auburn. Arkansas continued to roll up offense in huge numbers with Mallett on the bench. That shows that Petrino has a plug-and-play system and Mallett isn’t exactly a game changer all by himself.

The Bad News Bears and their version of a Rhodes Scholar, Jerrell Powe, were throttled in Tuscaloosa last weekend. Mississippi had about 47 yards of offense in the first half. Powe, a functional illiterate, stepped on Greg McElroy’s throwing hand, and McElroy is lucky it wasn’t broken. I guess Powe figured if he cannot beat him mentally, he will do it physically then. Don’t expect much defense in this game, neither team has one.

WHOOOOO PIG! 34 – Bear Nutt 24


Were you aware that Houston Nutt has won the last six matchups in this series? That’s right, the first four were Hog victories over the Rebs, and the last two were Reb victories over the Hogs. Well, streaks are made to be broken. If you’re an SEC purist, this game will be bowling shoe-ugly. If you’re a fan of the WAC, this one might be an instant classic. There will be exactly zero defense played in this game. Offensively, Arkansas has infinitely more weapons than the Bears, even while on their second string QB. Ole Miss lost yet another offensive lineman for the year, so Masoli will be running for his life, which actually works out better for the Bear offense.

Red Pigs 48

Black Bears 35

LSU at Auburn


This is the marquee game of the week in all of college football. Two undefeated top ten SEC teams, each with a Heisman contender and the luckiest coach in the history of the NCAA, Les Miles. LSU fans should also hope that their football team was looking beyond McNeese State last weekend, because they sure didn’t look very good.

Auburn outran Arkansas in a track meet. Over 100 points and over 1000 yards of offense between the two in a game that featured no defense and resembled a WAC game. This will be the second major test of Cam Newton. Cam was held in check by Mississippi State and his former coach Dan Mullen. Now he faces a solid LSU defense on the road.

LSU fans are outraged with Les Miles and sick of Jordan Jefferson. Some even believe that Jefferson has dirt on Miles. One disgusted fan called Les Miles and let him hear it. This is priceless:;feature=player_embedded

So here is what happens: LSU will keep Auburn in check most of the game, while Auburn does the same. The more playing time Jefferson sees, the less likely LSU wins. When it comes to playmakers at QB, Auburn is light years ahead of LSU. That will be the difference here.

War Beagles 31 – I wish you got my naked pictures away from Jefferson 24


This is the game of the century of the week, and it bumps UT-Alabama from its annual 3:30 CBS slot. The War Tiger coaches have kept Cam Newton locked up in the basement all week, feeding him raw steak and Red Bull, and are hoping he doesn’t tear up his cage on the way to the stadium this Saturday. Lester Miles is hoping this one is close enough that he can pull something horrifyingly magnificent from his rear end in the last seconds. Lester is still mired in a QB controversy, so LSU is going to rely on their defense to keep them in the game. Mr. Newton will make that strategy problematic.

War Tigers 27

Coonasses 17

South Carolina at Vanderbilt


The Chickens had their asses kicked by Sucky Kentucky. As most believed, the AKC had a letdown of epic proportion after defeating #1 Alabama. In fact, the last SEC road win for USC was at Kentucky two years ago. Spurrier had Atlanta waiting for him on a silver platter and he blew it. It seems every year that Carolina start out strong and fades as the season goes on. I don’t get it.

Vanderbilt was skulldrug by Jawga. That was flat out ugly. That said, I’ll still probably regret this pick.

Chikinz 24 – Vandy 21


Way to go, Carolina. You turned the corner against Alabama, and then crashed straight into a wall at Kentucky. The Wildcats are soft against the run, so what does Coach Spurrier do? Throw, throw, throw. Only six run attempts in the second half. I wish I could say I was surprised, but I’m not. Carolina will never get over that hump, it seems. They just can’t stand success. Now that they’re licking their wounds, they have a chance to get well against Vanderbilt. They’re a little dinged up, but it shouldn’t matter. Should it?

Cackolackey 31

Easy 17

UAB at Mississippi State


Mississippi State has not been ranked, respected or very good for the last decade. Dan Mullen has changed all of that in 19 games. The Dawgs have assembled a pretty good offense and defense. In fact, LB Chris White was named national defensive player of the week for his dominating performance at Florida. This game has trap written all over it, especially after such a big emotional win last weekend. If State manages to win this one, they will become bowl eligible for only the second time in a decade. If State loses this game, that sixth win might be really hard to come by.

Mithippi State 38 – UAB 13


Mississippi State is ranked after their victory over Florida last week. Although that game wasn’t very pretty, and there was a lot of offensive futility in that one, it was kinda cool in an old-school SEC way. I mean, State just lined up and ran the clock out, three yards at a time. Here it is, boys, step up and stop it. This week, those three yards at a time will probably be more like seven or eight, and they’ll probably throw it a little more, too. Tennessee, take note of what an SEC school should do to UAB. Of course, it would be typical Mississippi State for them to lose this game, but I think that’s more likely to happen next week against Kentucky than this week against a middling C-USA team.

Fans will be watching this game 44

Fans will be watching the Alabama game 17

Alabama at Tennessee


It wasn’t too long ago when this game was always in the national limelight. Tennessee and Alabama hate each other. Hell, Bama was trying to serve papers to Phil Fulmer, which prevented him from attending SEC media days a few years ago. There is hatred here in both directions. The problem for Vol fans is that they don’t have a good team and Alabama does. Even with an extra week to prepare for this game, Tennessee will not be able to handle the assault from McElroy, Ingram and Richardson. So a sea of orange will grossly outnumber the Crimson in the stadium, but on the field, the tide overtakes the sea.

Alabama 27 – Tennessee 10


The Tide has been downright ordinary the last couple of games. Of course, that cost them a perfect season against Carolina, but it didn’t cost them anything against Ole Miss. It probably won’t cost them anything this week either, as this isn’t your father’s Tennessee. I don’t know if this one will even qualify as a rivalry game this year. There will be 108,000 folks in the stadium, and you will probably be able to count on one hand the number of people there that believe Tennessee has a shot.

Rolling 28

Rocky 14

Georgia at Kentucky


It only took more than half of the season, but Georgia decided to show up and look like they are supposed to in a bitchslap of Vandy last weekend. If Richt could only stop the off the field problems with arrests. The main question here is, does Kentucky pull a South Carolina and come out flat after a huge win in the previous week? This one is worthy of a coin flip.

Jawga 34 – Kats 31


The Dawgs are BACK, baby! That’s right, Red and Black Pride is restored. UGA fans are making their reservations in Atlanta for the SEC championship game. The SEC East really is laughable this year, and the mere fact that Georgia still has a mathematical chance to win it is a testament to that. Kentucky players should be riding high after the amazing comeback victory against Carolina last week, but they’re too busy sending out tweets, reminding folks about how much their fans suck. Kentucky throws the ball decently, and Georgia doesn’t defend the pass all that well, which should make this one interesting. In the end, the Dawgs should prevail and keep the momentum going.

Dogs 38

Cats 35