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  1. #1
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    Two Daves - August 27th, 2008 picks

    Two Daves Pick the SEC

    August 27, 2008

    Welcome to Two Daves Pick the SEC!! For the holy season art here, and the masses of college football fans are rejoicing! Spread the love that is SEC football! The SEC has signed a deal with ESPN rumored to be worth over $2 billion for broadcasting SEC football and basketball for 15 years. No other conference in the country can compete with the SEC. As the conference office has said many times, SECond to none!

    While most of the games this week should be blowouts, there are still a few games that will come down to the wire. My man Bubb Rubb joins me this year.


    Bubb says:

    WOOO-WOOOOOO! Bubb Rubb back in the house. L'il Sis ain't herre today, ain't no tellin' where that trick be. But this be tha first week of football season and I been waitin' fo this all summer. I'm gonna get me some beer, get L'il Sis to pick me up some wangs, and we gonna watch football from noon to midnight. I just hope I ain't gotta listen to Pam Ward.

    Damn, is tha SEC gettin' paid, or what? Maybe now that ESPN done gave all this money to tha SEC they'll spend more time talkin' up tha conference and less time talkin' up tha Big Ten.

    Speakin' of gettin' paid, let's get to tha picks this week. I done started my own little gamblin' circle and I'm gonna take all these fools' money. You wanna get paid? You bet wif Bubb Rubb.

    NOTE: The Two Daves have never condoned gambling. That said, Bubb is his own man and apparently owns a whistle tip franchise now from his circle. I wonder if Charles Barkley is in his circle?

    Finally, if you are on the gulf coast, PLEASE pay close attention to Gustav, which may be a major hurricane near New Orleans on Monday. Visit the National Hurricane Center at http://www.nhc.noaa.gov


    Vanderbilt @ Miami of Ohio

    Vandy should win this game without much trouble. The only problem? They are Vanderbilt. This will mark the first time that Vanderbilt has ever played at Miami (no, not the U). The Miami of Ohio (MofO) will pull out a close one.

    MofO's 24 - Vandy 20


    Bubb sez:

    My soul bruthas goin' on tha road to start tha year, and they openin' up as a four point dawg to freakin' Miami. Say it ain't so, say it ain't so. I got a funny feelin' in my stomach that my boys gonna make us all proud this weekend. Then again, that feelin' may just be that Fatburger I ate last night. But I'm stickin' wif my gut.

    Brick Houses 24 - The Other Miami 17

    N.C. State @ South Carolina

    One thing I can assure you of is that the Ass Kickin' Chickens fans will pack the house. Any leftover space will be used to hold Spurrier's ego. Arkansas and their cowardly coach Bobby Petrino swiped Mississippi State DC Ellis Johnson, who bolted a month later for his home state.

    Two words: Jasper Brinkley. He will be hitting hard and early. While USC could not stop the run last year, I expect Ellis Johnson will have that corrected.

    AKC 31 - NC State 21


    Bubb sez:

    Cackolackey opens up big favorites against tha Wolfpack, and like I said last week, I thank that tha Ol' Ball Coach got some tricks up his sleeve this year. Defense was tha strength of tha club last year, but you know Spurrier gonna get that turned around quick. I still believe that tha Cocks gonna be bowl eligible befo Halloween.

    Cackolackey 31 - Wolfpackey 7

    Hawaii @ Florida


    DING DING DING DING DING!!!!! It's the Bitch Slap of the Week!

    After June Jones saw Jawga kick his teams ass all over the field in the Sugar Bowl, he probably looked at the 2008 schedule and saw that the first team he would face would be Florida, and he updated his resume'. Exit June Jones to SMOO.

    The Tim Tebow show will resume, he'll probably kill two or three Rainbow Warriors in the process. Perhaps the most exciting player in the SEC, Florida's Percy Harvin, should have a field day as well. If Florida did not have a severe outbreak of ACL tears in preseason, hitting the DB's particularly hard, I'd say Hawaii would be scoreless. This probably should be rated NC-17.

    Chomp Chomp 62 - $@#@ that hurt 13

    Bubb sez:

    WOOOO-WOOOOOOO! This be tha rock solid, hardcore bitchslap of tha week. Think about this: June Jones left Hawaii to coach some piece of crap Texas school. Now, why would you leave paradise, where you tha man, to go coach somewhere else? That's right, cuz you don't want to find yoself on tha wrong end of a 70-0 asswhippin'.

    Tebows 70 - Rainbows 0

    Georgia Southern @ Georgia

    This game will be close …. at kickoff. This scrimmage is only to fine-tune a Georgia team that should contend for the SEC East title and the BCS title. Should being the operative word, there's this Tebow guy that stands in their way, but we'll wait until October for that showdown.

    I Knowshawn will get his 150, maybe more. I don't expect Mark Richt to pull a Mike Shula (see Prothro, Tyrone) and risk his players being hurt with the game safely tucked away. This could easily be rated R.

    Jawga 45 - Georgia Southern 13

    Bubb sez:

    Georgia Southern got them a nice little program. They ain't got nuthin' fo tha Big Ol' Hairy Dawgs, though. Coach Richt prolly gonna run this one up.

    Hairy Dawgs 48 - Roadkill 10

    Appalachain State @ LSU

    Last year, Appalachain State beat Michigan AT Michigan. Heh. This assures me that Lester will make sure his team doesn't overlook them.

    LSU's defense won't have much trouble in this one, Tyson Jackson will be all up in the backfield wreaking havoc. The only question is at quarterback. Ryan Perrilleauxooser is gone, leaving a redshirt freshman and a Ivy League transfer to duke it out for the starting position.

    LSU 34 - Appalachain State 13

    Bubb sez:

    If there be any Michigan fans on herre, take note. This game gonna be a clinic on how you handle Appalachian State. Hail to tha victors, and have a GREAT day.

    The REAL Coonasses 41 - Hillbillies 17


    Western Illinois @ Arkansas

    The Bobby Petrino era begins at UPIG. All Petrino got was Dick, Casey that is. Darren McFadden is playing for Bubb's Raiders, and Felix Jones is with the Cowboys. This should be one of the few wins for Arkansas this year.

    Arkansas 27 - Western Illinois 10

    Bubb sez:

    Tha Hogs gonna suck hard this year. Lucky fo them they get an easy one to start. Damn, I ain't never even heard of Western Illinois. Coach Petrino prolly ain't either, but he don't care. He just countin' his money and updatin' his resume.

    New Look Hogs 58 - Who? 14

    Tennessee @ UCLA

    Phat Phil goes out to the left coast, where people are force fed healthy food. Expect Fulmer to pack luggage with Krispy Kremes for the trip. Adrian Foster will get his yards and grind out another volunteer win. Phil, I don't expect you to get served up another subpoena in LA.

    Tennessee 24 - ACLU 20

    Bubb sez:

    Coach Fulmer gonna take his boys cross country to hand out a Pac Ten asswhippin'. Everbody talkin' about pretty boy Neuheisel at UCLA, but he ain't never seen nothin' like what's comin' for him this weekend. Coach Fulmer just lookin' forward to goin' to Jack in the Box three or four times cuz they ain't got one in Knoxville.

    Big Fat Orange 31 - Powder Blue Fairies 10

    Alabama @ Clemson

    Some Alabama fans think life is great with the nations top recruiting class. Satan himself expects to play several of the newcomers. There still remains a big problem: John Parker Wilson. His play is bipolar at best. Last year, Papa Bowden smacked Bama, and this year, Junior will do the same.

    Clemson 24 - Alabama 17


    Bubb sez:

    Alabama gots them two 18-wheelers for road games...one to carry tha team equipment and the other to carry Coach Saban's money. My boy has got to be tha most expensive underdog this week. Clemson actually supposed to be pretty good this year, and some are sayin' they gonna win tha ACC. They'd prolly be sixth or seventh in tha SEC, but then again, so is Bama, so this should be a good game. For tha more adventurous wagerers: over/under on John Parker Wilson interceptions in this game is at four right now.

    Clempson 30 - Roll Tide 20

    Kentucky @ Louisville

    Kentucky lost a lot of talent last year and Rich Brooks will have trouble finding anyone tht can fill the shoes of Andre Woodson. Kentucky has not won many games recently in this series, and I expect more of the same.

    Louisville 31 - Kentucky 21


    Bubb sez:

    Boy, nobody laid a turd last year like Louisville. I don't think they as bad as they showed at times last year, but there ain't no way they gonna be as good as they was, either. This be one of those games you never know about, and Kentucky always play well. Somethin' tells me, though, that we gonna see tha return of tha Mildcats this year. Coach Brooks shoulda retired last year.

    Kragthorpes 34 - Mildcats 24


    Memphis @ Ole Miss

    Ed Orgeron is gone. Ole Miss fans already feel like they've had a winning season based upon that fact. Now they have the biggest crybaby in the nation for a head coach. He cries win, lose or draw. Orgeron did not leave the team with no talent, like Brent Schaffer. Jevon Snead, a transfer from Texas is a good quarterback. Probably good enough to get Ole Miss by a Memphis team that has had their number recently. Expect Jerrell Powe to get 14 tackles, seven for loss, two pass knockdowns, and force two fumbles while recovering another.

    Ole Miss 17 - Memphis 13


    Bubb sez:

    Coach Nutt got a reputation for bein' a little bit crazy. He also got a reputation for gettin' teams to overachieve. I think his reputation done caused some folks to get excited, cuz some fool done made Ole Miss an 8 point favorite in this game. Tha thang is, Ole Miss ain't any better than Memphis is. Tha Rebs prolly gonna win since they at home, but smart money be all over those points.

    Nutts 21 - Tiger High 20

    Mississippi State at Louisiana Tech

    Sylvester Croom leads the first SEC team to play at Louisiana Tech. The Bulldog nation is still overjoyed with the departure of Michael Henig, the glass boned midget that had the mental capacity of an acorn. True Freshman Wesley Carroll did a good job leading the team last year. Unfortunately, the Woody Controlled Offense is still in place. Woody's offense has been rated at the bottom of the SEC four years running. Coach Cheese replaces the departed Ellis Johnson as defensive coordinator. Lets just hope his defense is more like edam instead of swiss.

    Mississippi State 24 - Latex 21

    Bubb sez:

    Coach Croom's boys goin' to Louisiana Tech? Damn, that's wack! SEC schools should never play road games against Directional U. I don't know what to expect in this game, cuz I still don't know what kinda team State has. I believe Coach Croom gonna find a way to pull this out, but layin' eight points on tha road ain't somethin' I'm feelin' good about.

    The Real Bulldogs 24 - More Fake Coonasses 21


  2. #2
    Videographer slickdawg's Avatar
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    Two Daves - August 27th, 2008 picks



    Louisiana-Monroe at Auburn



    Wow, I forgot to paste this one in. I'm getting old, kinda like Swanger.

    Auburn had spring camp and fall camp to fine-tune their new offense installed in 9 days before their bowl game. Auburn will use this game as a tune up for the upcoming LSU game, one that will likely decide the SEC West title.

    War Beagles 44 - LAMOS 13

    Bubb sez:

    This game be tha classic "Heavyweight SEC team plays overmatched nobody
    but don't play well and lets the other team hang around before pulling it
    out in the end" game. Auburn breakin' in a new offense and they prolly
    gonna struggle a bit, which is why it's better to play a bunch of wannabe
    coonasses fo tha first game instead of some real coonasses.



    War Tigers 28
    Fake Coonasses 3




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